When people do unthinkable or unbelievable acts for seemingly no reason at all they are crying out for help, they are saying I am not ok
When they do things that are bound to get them caught…they are saying I am not ok
They do this because they cannot say “I am not ok”
For pride or ego it’s not ok for them to say “I am not ok”
So they self-sabotage in an attempt to get the help that they need.
But instead of folks saying…you are not ok…they cover it up for them and pat them on the back and say you are ok.
On my 39th birthday, I realized I was not ok. And I told a few of my colleagues as such. And they proceeded to tell me all the reasons why I should be ok. I had a husband and kids and a career. They projected all of the superficial reasons that I should be ok instead of asking despite having those things why still didn’t feel ok. The answer was simple I was not living a life according to my values but that’s too deep to discuss so it’s easier to say…Nah…You’re ok
When you are not ok and everything on the outside says that you should be it’s crazy how many people will try to tell you that you how you should be ok. The pressure to be fine in the world is utterly unbearable. So if you ever do have the courage to say that you are not ok before the shit hits the fan and world comes crumbling down on you it will be met with resistance. From well-meaning people but people who are not vested enough to help you find out what is going on.
So imagine that you are person of power or wealth and you have all the trappings of society and you have everything you should want in life and you find yourself feeling not ok…you better not dare say I’m not ok. You will mostly likely be accosted with all the reasons why you are just fine.
But How different would things have been if instead of Anita Hill leaving the job and letting Clarence Thomas continue on like nothing happened. If she would have stopped him in the middle of one of his incidents and just asked “are you ok?”
Just like the girl Mike Tyson rapped instantly knew he was not ok. And she was right by his own account he was spiralling out of control at the time. She stated that she reported him in hopes that he would get the help he needed.
Mike Tyson
Clarence Thomas
R Kelly
Bill Cosby
All crying for help…They were/are not ok. They don’t need to be protected and defended. They get more than enough of that. They need you to be courageous enough let them know it’s ok not to be ok and to work toward finding out how they can start to be.