"Writing Checks" Ain't It

This post is in response to the following Tik-Tok a close friend of mine sent me recently:

@wearemoorthanblack Press Play. Imagine If We Had Our Own Communities Where We Clould Consume. The Entire Globe Would Come Running TO US. Group Economics Please don't forget to subscribe to our Instagram page in efforts to help us continue to bring you the historical truth they want to suppress. #WeAreMoorThanBlack #groupeconomics #blackcommunity #foryoupage #fyp ♬ original sound - WeAreMoorThanBlack

George C. Fraser

The folly in Mr. Fraser’s rant is there is an assumption that if we can’t “write checks” we can’t do shit. But Here’s what I know to be true:

1. The vision brings provision-getting money to support any movement comes second to getting unity of people to support the movement no matter how much money they have. Having money without a clear vision leads to no progress.

2. Financial empowerment & Upward mobility is not and never has been the answer-Upward mobility and financial empowerment is actually the fruit of the mindset shift we as a people will have once we believe in our enoughness again. We have more money than ever (Income gap has decreased) and still feel less than (Wealth gap has not). Equality is a mindset not an amount of money.

3. Cannot fix something with money that originates in the mind-Our conspicuous consumption is the result of us being told and sold that we aint shit, so we buy shit and use shit to make us feel like the shit. Black people are not frivolous we want to feel we matter. So we buy things to make us feel like we have something going for us. So to change this it starts with spreading the message that we are powerful enough no matter our socioeconomic status. Therefore are capable of achieving equality or justice or what ever we desire by any means available to us-the most significant of all being our community and culture

4. Focusing on raising money as a the number one priority keeps us in the cycle of oppression-if we focus on the getting/having money first, then that tends to put us in the control of the people that are violating us to begin with because they are the ones with an overwhelming amount of the money available to them. So we assimilate in order to raise the money to what end…to help others assimilate? The number one priority needs to be a compelling vision that unites and mobilizes folks and as well their wallets

What he has right:

• Baby boomers got life fucked up-writing checks is not the end it’s a mean to an end. However boomers are continually regurgitating this rhetoric and it's making me sick. All of the great movements of their time first started with a vision that lead people to be inspired to take action and as a result write checks. They are now so imprisoned in their assimilation that they have convinced themselves that getting more money is the key. But see point 2 above.

• We need each other-unity of hand and heart is the way to all the things we desire

• We are incredible and talented- Period

Money is a tool to help you be more of who you already are. If we as a people feel an overwhelming sense of disempowerment we are going to use our money in ways that continue to disempower us. To have any significant change we must have a knowing that financial empowerment is really just plain empowerment with an assist from your finances. So the goal really is to empower folks at every socioeconomic level to really impact change.

Money Does Buy Happiness

Money does buy Happiness, if you spend it that way. Your Money Identity is defined as your consistent underlying thoughts, feelings and resulting behaviors around money over a period of time.

Money Identity determines how you cope with Money stress. And coping usually falls into 2 categories:

• Money stress Avoidance: the propensity to reduce stress by avoiding any stress related to money, through unhealthy coping like distractions, suppression, or denial

• Money Stress Resilience: the propensity to reduce stress by addressing the underlying issues, challenges and circumstances that create the money stress

We get caught up in the argument if Money can buy happiness or not. Ultimately the answer is as in most things..it depends. But not for the reason most people assert. Most people will attest that money gives people in poverty and moments of financial hardship the opportunity to pay for things that will ease the burden of stress. Yet, it has less to do with your financial standing and is more about how you actually will use the money. Simply put if you use money to practice Money stress resilience it can buy happiness but if you use money to pursue money stress avoidance then it won't.

Research has proven that the reduction of stress is associated with more happiness.  Furthermore, there have also been more studies that have determined that your outlook on stress also determines your relative happiness. People who practice Money Stress Resilience are more likely to see stress as a good thing. They will see stress as a natural part of the process to reach financial success, as in NO PAIN, NO GAIN. However, Money Stress Avoidant folks most likely view stress as negative as a whole and will try to avoid it at all cost.

Lower stress is associated with More Happiness but More money does not necessarily determine less stress. The only indicator that can determine your level of money stress is your Money Identity. Moreover, the most important aspect to realize is, an amount of money is not the determining factor in reducing stress or increasing happiness for that matter, you are.

When people are faced with a stressful financial situation and given more money the fact is some people will use it in money stress avoidant ways and some will use it in money stress resilient ways depending on their Money Identity. 

Money stress avoidant folks have difficulty facing stressful situations and circumstances head on whether they are money related or not. Think of folks who avoid having uncomfortable conversations at all costs. So people who tend to think that money can solve ALL their problems, indicates that they do not believe in their ability to face challenges when they arise.

The truth is if you are money stress avoidant your are also opportunity avoidant. As most financial opportunities have some inherent risk and as a result may lead to stress associated with uncertainty.

But real financial success and freedom comes from pursuing opportunities and Money Stress Resilient behaviors that the result of which not only increases your bank account but also strengthens skills that can increase your resilience, emotional intelligence, GRIT and Happiness.

Money Identity Disorder?

Money Identity is defined by your consistent thoughts, feelings and behaviors around money over a period of time.

So how you think and feel about money is the driving force behind the financial decisions and actions that you make. Often times folks have the knowledge or financial literacy to change their financial outlook but still cannot move the needle on their money. Or they simply keep repeating the same destructive patterns of behavior. This is a clear sign the current Money identity is determining how you relate to your money. For the majority of my life, my Money Identity can be best described as the broke black girl from the hood. So even as my income increased it was hard for me to use and receive money like someone who "has money" because that did not align with my underlying Money Identity.

In our society, our prioritization of making, having, and keeping money over everything often causes us to have a Money Identity Disorder. A Money Identity Disorder is when you are not using and receiving money in a way that consistent with your core values:

• Working a job you loathe, just to pay the bills

• Buying items because they cost less, rather than getting the item you truly desire

One key attribute of Money Identity is our default level of Money Stress independent of how much money you have, make or spend. There are 5 default levels of Money Stress that can range from "In Crisis" to "Excelling." For Instance, my default level for most of my life is Surviving:

Coming up my frugal dad established in me we had "Just enough". In my mind, it meant we had enough for the essentials but never enough to satisfy our desires. Our needs where taken care of but our wants were always an after thought.

As a result, the concept of "just enough" or survival mode became deeply ingrained in me. So, even as I climbed the corporate ladder and started raking in a six-figure income, I still felt like I had just enough. I continued to feel like I was in the survival mode, despite the fact that my bank account and pay stubs reflected a different reality.

So I continued to settle for knock-off versions of everything and never purchased items I genuinely desired. Furthermore, I would not allow myself to do things I wanted to do if I didn't feel they were essential. Why? Because, I still felt like I was in survival mode and only had just enough to get by. When in reality I was actually had the financial means to do what I would like.

When we are in survival mode (one of the levels of money stress), it causes us to make decisions based on what we need to survive right now and without regard for our future. Investments and savings get neglected because there is "not enough" to do so. Another aspect of survival mode, is the cycle of incurring debt. This happens when you feel like you don't have enough so you borrow and then when it's time to pay the debt you feel you don't have enough to pay the bill so you pay the minimum. And so the cycle goes. 

Therefore, it's important to note that your default level of stress will determine the decisions you make with your money which may ultimately becomes the true cause of your financial problems (i.e. debt from borrowing and not paying back because of survival thinking). At the end of the day, your Money Identity creates your thoughts related to money, and those thoughts often times lead you to make decisions that keeps you in a circumstance that reflects those thoughts like a self fulfilling prophecy. So it is important for us to become aware of our Money Identity and change it to truly take charge of our finances once and for all.

The Great Financial Hope

Universally we all know money doesn't buy happiness but for some reason we will not give up our persistent pursuit of money and success under the guise of a better life for ourselves and our family.

Over time I've come to realize we don't want to give up on our pursuit because isn't not happiness we seek we are pursuing hope…The Great Financial Hope. 

The hope that when we get money our problems will go away

The hope that when we get money we will feel more valuable, self confident, and worthy

So to say that the pursuit of money won't work is hard for people receive…cause it's a shock to their system. It negates their hopes. It challenges their sense of themselves and makes them ponder the imponderable. "What will make my problems go away, if not money?, What will make me feel more valuable, if not success?"

We see other people's success and think Gosh they have it…they have that thing that I am striving for.  And we tell ourselves they are there; that place of inner peace and happiness that we so long for. And we tell ourselves if I could just get there…I will be free.

Here's how Rick Rubin describes this phenomenon on the Broken Record podcast while speaking to Andre 3000:

Rick: When you suffer from depression let's say and you feel like there's this hole in you, you don't know what it is, you just know you feel bad

But you have this dream that well I'm gonna do this through music….and when I do that the holes gonna go away

Andre: oh no

Rick: But at least during that time you have hope because you know I'm going to work really hard because I wanna feel better than I feel now and you do all this work and that hole is the thing that allows you to have that drive and perspective to break through and then you break through and your dreams come true and the hole is exactly the same

Andre: yes, and actually it opens up a little bit more

Rick: Absolutely cuz now what I was spending all my time; my way of solving it, I did it and it didn't work at all. If anything, like you said maybe it's worse.

We often pursue something outside of ourselves to feel fufilled. Believing that money or success will solve our problems.. its what gets us up in the morning. So we can have something  to hold on to because if not, when will the suffering ever end?  The good thing is the solution to all your problems is already here.

In the Movie Hunger, the lady chef said "I want to be special". She wanted to be apart of the Celebrity Chef's team because from afar she said to herself that's what special is.

Of course like us she thought being special was having financial success and recognition like the Head Chef. Until the moment when they are at the hospital. When they sat and talked after the Celebrity Chef had been stabbed by his sus chef. Where she expressed her philosophy that food is about love and he disagreed. In that moment, she had an epiphany and realized her family's "crybaby noodles" was in fact special. Her culture, her style of cooking, and her grit was special. SHE WAS and had always been special. So she realized something the Celebrity Chef knew from the moment he hired her. Because it was her brand of "special" that he wanted.

 A lot of times in life we look for things outside of us to feel special. I know I did.

For years I was searching for affirmation for others and the amount of money that would make me feel special, like my family and society implicitly and explicitly told me would come once I got there. I spent those years hiding who I was replacing my uniqueness with uniformity in order to be special. Always wondering why I never measured up. But after 20 years of searching outside of me I'm now realizing what I already am is what makes me special. Embracing that is what will make you feel fufilled.

In this way when Lecrae Says in the song "Broken" "Regardless of our money we all 'broke' together". We all are broken. We all have problems, problems don't go away. Money won't fill the hole. So it's not about making problems disappear its about the attitude you have when faced with problem and challenges in life. We are all broken in some way so if you think someone else's life is better because of what they have you are fooling yourself. Their life can only be better because of who they know they are. Never for what they have. That's how God levels the playing field.

So you say:

If money's not gonna solve my problems then what will?

If money's not gonna make me feel more valuable then what will?

You. You will.

By knowing, being, & doing You. And that's it. Just that Simple not that Easy. But worth it.

Coach Prime made his decision, what about you?

One thing you won’t say about him is that he doesn’t go for what he wants. Deion Sanders has been getting what he wants since the beginning of his existence and not really giving a damn about what other people think about it so why would this situation be any different. Deion Sanders one of the most electrifying athlete turned coach is raising eyebrows in the black community for his decision to leave Jackson State University after having so much publicity and bringing so much attention to the team and the struggles they have been facing.

A lot of people see him as a sellout and a many others feel like he just did what’s best for his financial outlook. I see it a tiny bit differently. I see a man that is following his purpose and making money doing it. I think the disillusionment of many comes from the fact that they thought is purpose was tied to the black community. But what I see is that Deion has a passion from bringing nothing to something. Started from the bottom now i’m here if you well. He likes to take trash and bring it to treasure. Then top that off with a desire to see young men reach their dreams of reaching the NFL; in Deion you have a man that is finding his groove with his switch from JSU to Colorado. 

Now having said that for those of us who do have a purpose tied to the black community I think the first item up for bid should be changing the narrative of the way we define success in our community. What I have learned is that we continue you see success as changing from black to white… being able to cross over and to access the funds of the masses. Less we forget that the masses with the funds are white. Who throughout history have masterfully and systematically made it that way. So if we want people to stay in and invest in our community we have to start defining success for us in more ways than just financial.

The problem with limiting success to just financial is that it inherently comes with the white gaze. Since whites have the money to get, to the money you have to be successful based on the standards of those who have the money and power. We have always seen predominantly white institutions and establishments as the holy grail for ultimate achievement. But then we get there we ultimately realize somethings a bit off. What’s off? We are. We are missing all of the things that we need to make us feel fulfilled. 

It is my assessment that success must be defined by purpose, community and money, in that order. Money is still very important but our folly is that we tend to make this the only or the main factor. And this decision has lead to us turning our back on ourselves over and over again. If we make moves based on money we will always be at the bottom of the totem pole because we don’t have it. (See masterful and systematic plan mentioned above.) And then we overlook the things we do have or we devalue them. Culture and sense of community are our two biggest assets that continually discount. We should promote these and have the money come to us instead of us chasing it. Let’s be us and be with us and monetize that.

So when we finally decide to see ourselves as successfully outside of the white gaze. We will start to see plenty of Deion Sanders that decide to stay at HBCUs and won’t even flinch with 5 times his salary is offered because he will know that money is not the only factor. Let’s be real, Deion isn’t in it for the money he has be financially successful for a long time and so he doesn’t have to make decisions based on money anymore. But if he does that’s his business. The bigger and more pressing question is how are making your decisions? 

With everything they have... They are still not ok

When people do unthinkable or unbelievable acts for seemingly no reason at all they are crying out for help, they are saying I am not ok

When they do things that are bound to get them caught…they are saying I am not ok

They do this because they cannot say “I am not ok”

For pride or ego it’s not ok for them to say “I am not ok”

So they self-sabotage in an attempt to get the help that they need.

But instead of folks saying…you are not ok…they cover it up for them and pat them on the back and say you are ok. 

On my 39th birthday, I realized I was not ok. And I told a few of my colleagues as such. And they proceeded to tell me all the reasons why I should be ok. I had a husband and kids and a career. They projected all of the superficial reasons that I should be ok instead of asking despite having those things why still didn’t feel ok. The answer was simple I was not living a life according to my values but that’s too deep to discuss so it’s easier to say…Nah…You’re ok

When you are not ok and everything on the outside says that you should be it’s crazy how many people will try to tell you that you how you should be ok. The pressure to be fine in the world is utterly unbearable. So if you ever do have the courage to say that you are not ok before the shit hits the fan and world comes crumbling down on you it will be met with resistance. From well-meaning people but people who are not vested enough to help you find out what is going on.

So imagine that you are person of power or wealth and you have all the trappings of society and you have everything you should want in life and you find yourself feeling not ok…you better not dare say I’m not ok. You will mostly likely be accosted with all the reasons why you are just fine.

But How different would things have been if instead of Anita Hill leaving the job and letting Clarence Thomas continue on like nothing happened. If she would have stopped him in the middle of one of his incidents and just asked “are you ok?”

Just like the girl Mike Tyson rapped instantly knew he was not ok. And she was right by his own account he was spiralling out of control at the time. She stated that she reported him in hopes that he would get the help he needed. 

Mike Tyson

Clarence Thomas

R Kelly

Bill Cosby

All crying for help…They were/are not ok. They don’t need to be protected and defended. They get more than enough of that. They need you to be courageous enough let them know it’s ok not to be ok and to work toward finding out how they can start to be.

What you don't know about the Wealth Gap: A tale of two peoples

• One People: works hard to give their children something they’ve never had

• The Other People: show their children of what they’ve always had

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• One People: Try to solve problems by increasing their net worth

• The Other People: Creates solutions by restoring self worth

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• One People: Strives to get rich

• The Other People: Strives to enrich

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• One People: Passes on money and assets to their heirs

• The Other People: Passes on wisdom and knowledge to future generations and the entire community

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• One People: Lives in division

• The Other People: Creates unity and community

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• One People: Allows their property to be Gentrified

• The Other People: Appreciates its value before others do

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• One People: Allows their culture to be appropriated

• The Other People: Protects it’s culture communicating its significance and worth

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• One People: is our people in our current state

• The Other People: is the new vision for our people “Black Excellence”

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A vision creates provision while instilling unity and community.

We must see the the Value we already have and capitalize on it by our living out our values and principles. We know we are there when we feel that we don’t have to make another damn dime before we feel as though we are worthy and significant. Only from this place of worthiness can sustainable Generational Wealth be created in our community.

The lie of Upward Mobility...Make More, Be Better.

As I was on my morning walk I passed a billboard that stated “Make More. Be Better.” I’m assuming it was an advertisement for some sort of certification or trade school since they had  picture was of a young black guy with a hard hat on. Nevertheless, when I read it I instantly thought.. That’s it! That is the lie of upward mobility…the misconstrued concept of the American Dream in a concise slogan. Make More. Be Better.

In America we have been told & sold a dream that says the more you make the better you’ll be. When we have constantly and consistently seen this not to be the case. (Insert your favorite self-destructive/suicidal rich celebrity here) What we see continue to see is Make more, have more… but make more, be better has yet to be proven. So I say Be Better. Make More as a result. 

Be Better. Make More is a better way to live. Because it creates a better standard to live by. I believe if this was the way we thought about capitalism; that the top priority was to be better first and as a result make more we would have a better system with less corruption and discrimination. Really at the end of the day the ultimate goal that everyone wants is to be better. So why not start there? Because we have been lead to believe the only way to get there is to make more. This is the root of the lie. 

This is the sickness that plagues our country. We fervently believe that the more we make the better we will be. That’s why we see the CEO’s slack on standards and put people in danger in order to make more money so that they can hope to be better. When the real way is to be better is to have standards that keeps the customer and employees best interest at heart. 

In the black community it is the rallying cry for us to “make it out” of the hood by making more first than being better. The unsaid message is that we are less than if we don’t make more. I mean that’s why every financially successful person from humble financial beginnings are looked as Better even when the state of their emotional, mental, and relationship well being says otherwise. In this country it’s a given that if you don’t make more you will not and cannot be better. Thus ushering in hustle culture and poverty shaming into the community. 

We have to stop lying to our people and saying we are less than because we don’t make more. Especially since we know the system has been set up as such that goal is that we don’t make more. When are we going to stop believing the lie that the more you make the better you are? Has it worked for our white counterparts? Are they inherently better because they have more? The truth is to be better you have be better, do better, get better which does not necessary include making more. We must change the cultural narrative that currently persists.. Make More and as result you are Better. It has to be Be Better and Make more if that’s what better looks like for you. 

Let’s no longer decide that it is a given that making more equals being better. Let’s stop the cycle of trying to make more because we think that’s the only way to be better. Let’s finally understand that being better has such a small amount to do with making more its not worth focusing on at the rate that we do. No more making more but still feeling less. 

The Curious Case of Kanye West

So I’m watching this Kanye West documentary on Netflix and I realize there is something that Kanye didn’t realize…when he had nothing, he had it all. He was always rapping about what he wanted to obtain materially but there was so much he had that most people longed for. When Kanye was broke and hungry to get on he had everything he needed. Like the love and support of his family and friends and clear purpose that was pulling him to his destiny. And dare I say, it seems to me that now that he has it everything he doesn’t really have anything. I mean once he made it he lost the support of his family and friends by literally losing them (RIP Donda) or just through distancing himself. So when Kanye got what he wanted, he lost all that he needed.

What I know to be true is that money and success cannot replace the desire for deep and meaningful relationships. And sometimes on the road to success we forget to keep our relationships at the forefront taking for granted the support system that got us there. And I’m not talking about keeping the same circle forever. I’m talking about whatever circle you are in you making sure you have some around you that loves and supports and listens to you when you are not feeling like you are amazing as everyone says you are. So one who will hold you accountable for your actions and tell you that they see you when others don’t. So one who is not vested in your success but vested in you. 

So when people say things like “I don’t have time for a relationship cause I’m trying to get this money,” I cringe. It’s like your parents saying to you that you don’t have time for a no boyfriend because you gotta focus on school. Chile who says I can’t do both. The beauty of a really good relationship is that you have person who will encourage you to succeed and keep you accountable to your hopes and dreams. Hell when chasing the bag, strong interpersonal relationships are even more important because money can’t give you a hug when things do work out. And I’m not just talking about romantic relationships…all types of  are worth developing and keeping at the forefront. I ain't talking about just someone you just hang with I’m talking about having someone you can go deep with. Someone you be vulnerable and transparent with. Someone that’s not just here for what you do but want to know why you do it. 

When we only have shallow and surface level relationships where we cannot be honest with the ones around us or worse when they cannot be honest with us. There is an erosion on the self that happens that so damaging its hard to put into words. Success breeds these types of relationships because when folks livelihood depends on your success they are going to tell you what you wanna hear and not what you need to hear. People will turn a blind eye to healing dysfunction when the person is highly productive in their field. And then we miss an opportunity to help someone because we chalk the dysfunction up to that’s what they need to be successful. Like is the success worth losing the person? It’s like killing the goose to get the golden egg. 

Sometimes we think achieving and acquiring can fill the void that we have for human connection but it cannot. But we keep trying because being vulnerable is too hard. Human connection is messy and it hurts. But the pain is worth the love. When you can connect with someone and be all in without trying to be guard your feelings, Just like the relationship Kanye had with his mom, you already have everything that matters.

What you really want from a N*gga?

The late Dark Man X once said…What you really want from a Nigga? So have you ever gotten something you really wanted and realized it wasn’t what you thought it would be, or didn’t make you feel how you thought it would?

I remember when I had my first epiphany about getting what I want to try to fulfill a desire within me. It happened like this, every time I got frustrated with the way my house looked I would go out and buy a bunch of home furnishings. But when I got more serious about my budget I started to focus on how can I solve my problems without purchasing something. This ultimately set off this realization within me that I didn’t need any damn new items in my house, I just needed to address the deeper issue that was bothering me at the moment. Which ended up being my entire mindset around my home and the way I think about my environment. And from that I discovered my ultimate desire was just to have an environment (home) that I loved and truly represented me. 

When I discovered this desire I started to focus my purchases on buying things that truly met this desire. Not just buying things that I saw that I wanted and hope would make me happy. So I had to solve the problem from the inside out instead from the outside in. Buying more stuff for the home would never make me feel better if I never got to the root of the issue. And the root was this yearning to live according to a value system I had within me about how my home should be an extension of me. 

For instance, I spent a lot of time being pissed at my family for not cleaning behind themselves but when I was in a rush to get to work I often times would not clean after myself either. So my standard needed to change. I did this by allocating enough time to get to work on time AND clean up after myself and asked my family to do the same. And I found that it was worth it to wake up 30 minutes earlier because I felt fulfilled and energized doing something that met my true desire. 

Wants are tangible, desires are intangible and represents your underlying value system. Every want represents a deeper desire. However, If you don’t do the work to define the desire you could end up getting a lot of what you want and none of what you truly desire. Most people want a lot of money but have never truly thought about what they want to do with it. They just think if they get a lot of money then automatically they will be happier. But you really need to start to think about what that money or the things that you would buy with that money truly represent for you. Which values or intangibles are you striving for? And when you do this, the beautiful thing will you start to realize is that you can obtain these things no matter how much money you have. 

When I started to think about my home as a place that I wanted to live my best life. I opened my mind to thinking about all the ways I am at my best at home. And what do I need to have around me to be my best. Where do things need to be placed? what smells do I like? What do I need to get rid of that’s just taking up space? So that I can create the environment I need with what I already have. And then truly focus my purchases on obtaining things that will add value to that.  

So my journey was discovering anything that I ever wanted, was always representing a desire I have on the inside that I already have everything I need to meet it. So what do you really want?

Moving on Up Yet Still Behind

In American society there is something that exists that is called the wealth gap… that’s the difference between the wealth of whites and other races including blacks in this country. And although the income gap has decreased over time the wealth gap has gotten worse for black americans. So as our income goes up over time the amount we are keeping is has not. I believe the reason this is happening is because the more money we get the more money we spend on things to make us feel like we are doing better instead of using it on things that will actually make us better. 

What do I mean by this…well as our income increases we buy houses and cars and clothes and all the depreciating assets that will make us look like we got it. Instead of spending money on therapy to combat the trauma we have endured generation after generation in a racist society. Or family therapy to learn to restore the family structure that was taken away from us. 

Unfortunately, we’ve been told we aint shit or we believe we ain’t shit so we gotta use shit, buy shit and flaunt shit to feel like the shit. 

That’s why I cringe when the only solutions to the racial injustice is getting more money for black people or upward mobility (Moving on up like the jeffersons)….We continue to preach this rhetoric decade after decade, that we will be better when we have more money. I contend that we will be better when we Know our Worth regardless of our net worth. 

We keep saying things like we are “already behind” because we don’t have property or generational wealth as a people but WE are NOT. We’ve never been behind we’ve just been made to believe that we were. I believe that money is a tool to be used to accomplish the things that we desire. If that’s the case saying black people are behind is like saying a skilled carpenter is behind because he doesn’t have tools. Of course he is limited without tools but if he has the will he can build what he needs with what he has and then as soon as he gets the tools he needs he’s off to the races.

I think our solution lies more in getting the skills to build what we desire and believe that we have value as a people just as we are. So that we can start now getting the quality of life that we deserve instead of waiting for the day that racism ends.

Think about gentrification. In our divested communities we treat our property as though it has no value and by neglecting the upkeep of our homes and our community amenities. Then the others come in and recognize the value that was always there and take it for their own. That’s what its like on a personal level we feel like there is no value so we don’t invest in ourselves we spend all of our money trying to look like we have value instead of actually working on having it. 

I mean If we were so behind why is appropriation even a thing? There is so much value in us that we don’t even recognize that we leave ourselves open to people taking what is ours and calling it theirs.

So I refuse to believe the only way to get ahead is to play a game in a system that was created by the same people that told you you were worthless to begin with. A game were the system is rigged against you..a game you can never win. 

No wonder we still are feeling behind. 

But there is a better way, by recognizing the intrinsic value that lies within all of us we can start to make a real difference in our self worth. And when we recognize our worth we will know that we deserve more and we won’t settle for less. We won’t settle for the illusion of value but demand that we live a life that represents our true value

Cash Rules Everything Around Me?

The great Philosopher Method Man once said Cash Rules Everything Around Me C.R.E.A.M, get the money dollar dollar bill yall. And although I’ve been a fan of Method Man since my teenage years...I would have to vehemently disagree.

Cash in fact does not rule everything around you…except everyone thinks it does. This backwards thinking has everyone trying to get money or trying not to lose money instead of trying to create something. When you are trying to build or create something you use money in the most appropriate way to get the outcome you are trying to achieve. Money you see is just a tool you use to achieve a goal not in it self a goal to aspire to.

If you set having a certain amount of money as a goal its like you saying I’m trying to get as many hammers or drills that I can without having anything to build. Or even worse worrying about losing your hammer when you don’t have any use for it.

We have lost our vision and our focus on our values. That’s why when someone comes along with some semblance of integrity where they sacrifice a job or income in favor of their values we make them out as an hero or an anomaly. When in actuality that should be the norm. 

Our values and vision should always guide us. That’s were most folks get in trouble in white collar crimes. They are trying to chase money instead of chasing their vision of the thing they truly desire. I heard the saying that you can never have enough of something you never wanted in the first place. Nothing is more true as when this relates to money. Most people are out here trying to get Money when they have no idea what they truly desire…what they truly want to use the money for that will make their heart come alive.

I know insecurities play into this as well…we fully believe that our value is determined by how much money we have or don’t have instead of well, our values. When our value truly lies within our values. So if we could just reshape our thinking that we are valuable no matter how much money we have; we could spend less time on chasing the bag and more time focused on being our best selves no matter the cost because it’s always worth it.

That’s why I cringe when people make decisions solely based on how much money something cost or how much money they will make….again It’s like saying I’m going to hang a picture because I have a hammer to nail but you don’t really like this picture. Or that your are not going to hang a picture that your really like because you don’t want to waste the nail. 

The answer is to go deep. Live your life based on your values and vision. Doing things that put you closer to your vision no mater the cost, Doing things that give you life because its worth it and you deserve it. 

Self worth begets net worth cause once ou have an accurate assessment of self worth you know it is not how much money (how many tools you collected) It’s about having enough to live the life you deserve.

It’s not about quantity its about quality. Its not about how much money you have its about what you do with it, its not how much you can get, it’s about how you got it

Money is not a an end it's a means to an end…cash does not rule everything around you…YOU DO.

Make that Money, Don't let it make you

Rhythm & Flow

So I incidentally watched Rhythm and Flow for the second time, when my husband decided to intentionally watch it again and then left the TV playing as he found other things to do around the house as he does. Nonetheless, while Rhythm and Flow was watching me this time I noticed a young lady from the ATL audition that stood out to me, we’ll call her Snow White. Snow White had a back story of being a stripper who was trying to break into her dream of rapping and singing. 

How it went was they showed Snow White’s backstory of life as a stripper with clips of of her dancing at work included. Then it cuts to her on the stage and the judges asking her to tell them about herself. To which she proceeds to respond that she is a dancer and has a eyelash bar. As a result, TI has to stop her and ask her to tell about her gift that she came to share with them not just her hustles. Ultimately, she goes on to give a subpar but promising performance and receives a bit advice for TIP that went along the lines of suggesting that she commits to her creative endeavors instead of dividing her time among her different hustles. Finally, in a confessional shot after the performance she is questioned about whether she agrees with the advice she was given and she says no because she hasn’t made any money rapping. 

My initial response to Snow White’s conclusion was that  she would make a great Ponder Money client. Her insistence that her dream should only be committed to until you can make money doing it is not how any of this works. Somewhere along the lines someone told her that her value was in having money not sharing her gift. And to be honest, my real thought was well if you never made money doing it, learn how. Just like most Americans Snow White, believed that that the right thing to do is to focus on what makes the most money. So scared to leave the “stability” of income from dancing she is restricting herself from committing to her dream. 

However, the scary part about it was that the more that I thought about it the more Snow White reminded me of myself. At first I was really judgmental when she made the statement about not making money doing rapping but then I realized I’m in the same boat. I’ve never made money doing a vlog or blogs or any of the things that I am passionate about so I continue down this path of the thing that I make money doing. Even if I don’t like it. Always telling myself I’ll get started on my dream as soon as I have the time. 

I mean for me to say well if you never made money doing it then learn how is as judgmental like the pot calling the kettle black. Cause I definitely I don’t see my ass running out to learn how to make money writing blogs or making videos or even committing the time that I need to in order to do so. Then I realized there is something deeper there that stops me, which is more way more insidious than not knowing how…it’s not really believing that you can. 

So its odd that someone who could be so repelled at the thought of selling sexuality for money because of my beliefs on how exploitive it is could then turn right around and allow myself to be just as exploited. My mind, not my body is being exploited and somehow we have decided that is more socially acceptable…tuh! I’m still in the same mental prison that she is just with a 401k. Does it make it any better if I still, just like Snow White, feel like I cannot leave the illusion of stability to pursue my dream. That just like her I’m showing up mediocre in my dream when I could be all in. I feel like its actually worse cause people are going to tell me I’m good and I should be happy with what I have. As opposed people in Snow White’s life are most likely telling her “girl you know you can’t be a stripper forever, you gotta do something else with your life.” In an effort to push her out of mediocrity and into her dreams.

So we need to know our value comes from sharing the thing that gives us life with the world not what currently makes us the most money. Cause if you are not getting paid to do what you love the way you want to you are being exploited. Period. So my advice to you if you are anything like me and Snow White is ...Fuck Stability. It’s just any illusion anyway. Follow your dreams with enthusiasm and commitment and you can figure out how to make money if you try. I mean what good is stability if you are dying on the inside. Stability is cool and very important but life is not all about constantly seeking stability but seeking the thing that make you feel alive. When you bet on yourself and let go of what you have to get what your heart is really craving then you have a chance to feel the ultimate stability…internal peace. 

We Need to Talk about Cosby

This docu-series has the same storyline of people who are rich and successful preying on people who aren’t with the help of people who work with/for them. Cosby, R Kelly, & Epstein. There’s always a pattern and there’s always the assist by people willing to turn a blind eye while making money. 

Then as the story always goes it turns into making the icon a predator and a villain even a monster and ultimately they are found guilty and then justice is served. But is it really? Since we have bread a culture of doing what ever we can to advance our career or not lose it even if we have to betray ourselves and our values to get it done more stories like these are soon to come. 

In a perfect world, someone close to Cosby would have said you need help. Go get the help you need and I’ll even go with you. Or at the very least they would have said what you are doing is not how any of this works. No one said this because everyone was around him was afraid of getting fired and/or black balled. 

For me it’s a story of a sad man/boy who thought the only way he could get a woman to want him is if she was unconscious. It’s the story of a man who thought of women as a tools to get his rocks off and not as human beings. It’s a story of a man who had a sexual deviation that was not socially acceptable to the persona and brand he had build. 

If digress just for a moment Bill Cosby’s story also reminds me of another uber success but Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde persona that is Whitney Houston. She too had this very pristine public persona but behind the scenes was this hyper critical drug addicted struggle bus hypocrite. I honestly think that trying to show up in a certain way or hiding the other side of yourself all the time breads this sort of hyper-critical hypocritical toxicity. Kinda how restricting your diet makes you binge…but as I said I digress. 

So in the documentary they talk about this line in his special “Bill Cosby: Himself” where he says someone was telling him that cocaine intensifies your persona to which he replied but what if you’re an asshole. In that same way, I truly believe money intensifies your persona. He’s made it clear that he was open to the idea of drugging women with Spanish Fly since he was boy as an aphrodisiac. And I don’t think it was a coincidence that he was a bartender at the start of his career. I firmly believe he was learning how to mix cocktails so that he could drug and rape women even back then and I believe he was doing so. And as he gotten more rich and successful it intensified his ability to become more of a consistent serial rapists as opposed to just an occasional one. 

See when you are rich and powerful people will indulge and even enable your bullshit especially if their livelihood depends on it. When you are rich and powerful people will go against their own better judgment and pardon your misdeeds because they think you have to know better than I  do because you are rich and powerful and I am not. When you are rich and famous people will even go so far as to blame themselves for you drugging them and sexually assaulting them because they don’t want to believe that someone that is rich and successful would do that to them. 

We have to pay attention to the red flags, we have to belief that we are not the first and we won’t be the last. More people have be real people and not just employees, whistleblowers when things are going left. And I know this is easier said than done. But when every there is grave disaster at the root of it are people not willing to be brave enough to say boldly this ain’t right. We have to get these people the help they need before they need a jumpsuit.